It’s been a week…and it’s only Tuesday.
This week started out on a serious high which could be why I’m crashing so bad right now. I opened up a novel I’m working on to crowdfunding which, in itself, is extremely anxiety provoking. I usually hang onto my work until it’s finished. At work, I’m constantly asked by one kiddo if he can read my stuff and I hold tight to it because one…I can’t show them anyway and two…I tend not to want to share things I’m not finished with.
So riding that extreme excitement roller-coaster, I went to work, excited to greet all the kids I had actually missed over our break. I shouldn’t have been surprised that none of them were anywhere near my level of excitement. Quite the opposite. But I left feeling optimistic that tomorrow would be better. Yeah…not so much. So from one extreme high, to one extreme low. I’d get into the details but that’s more work related so just trust me when I tell you, there was a lot going on.
On my drive home today, I took a moment to just fall apart from it all. I totally advocate falling apart sometimes. It is necessary, cleansing and therapeutic…maybe not while driving though. Every time a car melt-down happens with me (which I promise isn’t that often) I start thinking about that line from Groundhogs day –
Anywho!! So, after that must-have moment, I pulled myself together and started thinking proactive instead of reactive. My proactive brain told me in her best mama-ain’t-takin’-no-crap voice, “Girl, you need to draw a line with your compassion.”
Proactive brain isn’t wrong. I do. And here’s the thing readers…it’s okay to not care. Really, it is.
I’m not talking about turning off your emotions entirely and becoming a soulless zombie that gives no craps about anything. But in certain circumstances, it’s okay to say, “You know what? I can’t give my energy to this.” That’s called self-care, folks. You’re watching out for you and making sure that you can function by removing negative forces doing you no good or at least muting them for a bit.
When you’re being emotionally drained by people who take but don’t give, when you’re finding yourself being too angry for people, when you’re making the problems of others problems that you taken on yourself…you have to draw the line. You have to not care. And it’s absolutely okay for you to put a stop to all of it.
When I first started thinking objectively about what I was doing and how unhealthy it was for me and started pushing myself to not care, to walk away…there were some huge struggles I had with guilt. How could I do this to people I cared about? How could I make them feel like they didn’t matter? How could I be the kind of friend who wasn’t willing to do everything I could to help them?
But, you know what? These people were grown. There was nothing about their life that they were not able to capably handle themselves. And most importantly…they weren’t asking me to do any of this. They weren’t begging me to care about their problems, they weren’t basing our friendship on how much I cared about their issues and took them on as my own.
If there’s ever a moment you feel like someone is draining your energy because of the effort you put into caring about them and their problems, take a step back and think, “Did they actually ask me to do this? “
If they did or if they implied in any way that you needed to care on a higher level, that’s another issue. I can sure cover that in the next post because been there, done that. 🙂
But in this case…if you’re like me and you take it all on without thinking…stop. It’s okay to not care.
They’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, you’re all grown ass people. It’s okay not to care. Be less emotionally invested when there isn’t really a need for you to. And if you need to be emotionally invested, know where to draw that line and protect yourself. Everyone will be happier in the long run if you do, especially you.
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