Full Circle

I had every intention of keeping my blog more updated. Of course, I do every January, but this time I had a plan to stay on top of things.

Then life happened.

And then…yesterday happened.

It wasn’t something I could just…not write about. The events of yesterday…of the past month to be honest and the struggles leading up to one single moment were too significant. The need to create hope in others and show that there are these moments of divine intervention that carry you through as long as you’re not expecting them to show up in some big, life changing way.

My moment was as simple as a coffee cup.

With the holidays and my monthly payday falling much earlier in December, January has been rough to say the very least. I wont get into it too much. Let’s be real, my family isn’t the only one facing financial struggle right now. There’s an entire country of people struggling financially this month. The hurt and confusion over those situations runs deep. I had a heads up going into January and knew right off the bat it was going to be a month of struggle. I’m grateful that I had that when I know there are so many others out there that had no real warning of just how much they were going to feel a decision they had no say in.

When people feel this level of financial strain, depression, anxiety and stress usually ride side-car, clinging to your leg and refusing to let go. When you have children, guilt hops on your shoulders and puts it’s hands over your eyes. It’s kind of a hot mess.

So, as I am currently living in this hot mess, it’s becoming difficult to shove off the unwanted passengers and see the light through the darkness. Every day is a day to get through where I’m able to breathe a sigh of relief that I made it work as I snuggle up beside my daughter and usually fall asleep. I’m living moment to moment and although it stinks most times…there was that whole coffee cup thing.

Monday morning was a full-on Monday. If I could see the night sky through the clouds, snow and fog, maybe I’d be able to tell if it was a full moon or not. You’d think it was with the constant state of funk most students seemed to be in. Doing my paraprofessional job that day was a bit of a struggle.

Especially when, in a moment of anger, a student backhanded my new coffee cup that I had gotten as a Christmas present from my mother-in-law after she heard I had accidentally backed over my favorite to go cup across the table. It shattered all over the floor, the antique patchwork chickens split into irreparable ceramic pieces. I wasn’t in the room when it happened – another teacher was. I walked in when I heard the sound and couldn’t do anything but stare at my poor to go cup whose only crime wasn’t being able to hold a full 6 cups of coffee at a time.

For some reason, that sight deflated me. I know it’s something silly…a coffee cup…but it was something I really enjoyed. It screamed crazy chicken lady. Yes, I know…not crazy goat lady….or, at this point, crazy sheep lady. With the accumulation of livestock, maybe I just need a coffee cup that says, “Crazy Lady, nuff said” and call it a day.

I went through the rest of the day just feeling kind of bummed out about everything, struggling to find a way back to being the mom who had a job to do, who had kids that needed her when she got home, chores that needed to be done.

I was just…tired.

My last stop before I went home was the local food pantry. Like I said – rough month.

What I love about the food pantry in town is that I don’t feel judgement. I’m not afraid to walk in there and take the help offered because the people offering that help have such huge, kind hearts. They greet you with a smile, ask how your days gone and act like you needing that extra hand-up is a normal thing.

As I wrapped up my visit, the lady that was helping me out said, “Go ahead and pick out a gift bag.” Lining the bottom shelf of bathroom necessities were large Christmas bags packed full of goodies. “They’re for the mom’s,” the lady explained to me. “They do so much and usually don’t end up getting a whole lot when it comes to Christmas presents.”

I thanked her and picked one up, feeling a small weight lifted from my shoulder. On the gift tag read – From: Someone who Cares.

Inside, among the pampering lotions, candies, candles and various other items, was a to-go coffee cup.

It’s impossible to deny that someone is looking out for you when things like that happen. Like divine intervention doesn’t exist. The universe saw me and said, “Here. You’ve got this, mama.”

I drove home smiling, and yes, I did cry a little. I totally blame Pink for it – it’s all her fault remaking songs from movies that are already full of feels.

Things had come full circle and the universe had sent me a very clear message in the simplest of ways – have some coffee and chin up, mama. I’m here for you.

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