Life, Writing

My View Today

Hello followers! What few I have. 😉

So to get back on track with blogging and to usher in a new type of lifestyle (hopefully), I’ve taken on the idea of taking a daily challenge through the month of December, complete with writing prompts.

I know I’ve been pretty quiet. With the political climate being as…off kilter as it has been…and me and my big opinions, it’s been difficult to form blogs without them veering back to how I feel about what’s going on in the world today.

But, for the sake of my blog – I’ll stick to what I should stick to – my life and things that inspire me.

So my prompt today was “My View Today.”

Easy enough to start out this venture into reacquainting myself with my blog and polishing up the writing skills that have sat relatively dormant. So while I was MIA blog-style, I did a lot of self-care starting with finally caving in, finding a good therapist and, after considerable research and relying on way too many people to talk me into just taking the first one, I agreed to medication management for my anxiety.

Since I’ve been on medication, it’s honestly the most normal I’ve felt in a very long time. The anxiety doesn’t rule my life anymore. Over the summer and with the few severe storms that rolled through, I slept through every single one of them instead of fretting, pacing the floors, waking my children in the middle of the night to get them somewhere “safe” from a not-entirely-existent-threat. I’ve been able to handle the few days of winter driving without going thirty miles per hour with a death grip on the steering wheel.

I now honestly feel like it was a long time coming. The mounting panic attacks, the underlying depression and the anxiety were becoming far too much for me and making not only my life a living hell but really complicating the lives of the people around me. I’ve stepped out of my personal hell and I can already see how it’s affected all aspects of my life. My family functions better without my anxiety constantly wrapping itself around everything we do. There’s no edginess for my children to feed off of. Though life isn’t all-together peaceful and probably was never meant to be, it’s a life that has a much more stability.

I’ve started a bullet journal which apparently I was doing at work without thinking about it. One of my new providers at work and someone I’m so grateful to have in my life right now because of how alike we are on so many levels, dropped the word “bujo” and boom, mind blown.

I’m about two months into my first bullet journal and I’ve found that I have to reign myself in a few times, especially when it comes to tracking things.

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It’s been a lot of trial and error. November wasn’t set up in a way that helped me stay on task. My December set up is hopefully a lot more helpful in terms of watching budget, tracking things that I should be tracking like staying on task with Weight Watchers, making sure to take my meds and vitamins, reading to the kids every night, getting the kids to bed on time, days without spending, without pop and without candy. Of course, the day I start this tracker and slap “no candy” on there, I put three boxes of candy canes on my Christmas tree. To my credit, I haven’t touched a single one all day and I’ve been home alone binge watching “Love it or List it”, sipping coffee and baking bars for the church bake sale this weekend. The temptation is strong. There’s one right next to Kirby, our Elf who showed up last night (truthfully…fifteen minutes before the kids woke up) and I want to take it merely out of spite for his existence. His smile just taunts me further into doing it.

So that’s anxiety covered, bujo junkie, and of course, the goats who run this place. They truly do. The fence never holds them but they never go anywhere and have become moving lawn ornaments, for the most part.

Carmel is well on her way to possibly dropping babies again and we’ll be back to the production of goat milk which I’ve honestly missed. Processing it? Not so much. But there is a great deal of peace that comes from being out there with my ladies who are more comfortable with me milking them than anyone else, resting my head against their furry, warm sides and listening to milk splash into the pail. I probably won’t feel the same when the temps drop to below zero but as of right now, I do miss it.

The idea of managing this all in the moment is quite overwhelming. Running a farmstead, even a small one, is no small task. Managing anxiety, children, and my weight…certainly no small task.

My view today is that I have an open enough mind to find little ways to stay on top of things, small opportunities to gain accountability and an optimistic outlook on starting out December with hopes of turning some things around to start 2018 strong.

I’m happy to be back to blogging, hoping that those of you who stumble upon this blog find some kind of serenity to the chaos I throw out there, maybe some solidarity. Or, at the very least, something to grin about.

Welcome to the holiday season, readers. I’ll see you tomorrow! 

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