This blog post is brought to you today by the considerate wakeup call of my three year old bright and early this morning.
“Mommy,” she said while poking me lightly in the nose, “are you still tired?”
The answer? Yes, I’m tired. I’m always tired. Because when you’re a mom, you’re always tired. Always…tired. Admittedly this doesn’t include all mom’s…but in all fairness, a good percentage of us. Especially those with more than one child who doesn’t nap at the same time…or nap at all. For the fun of it, and because Catey and my daughter finally gave me a prompt that inspired me to write – I bring you Many Stages of Awake! Enjoy!
The “Getting There” Stage
How every morning starts. Sometimes you wake up with the alarm. Sometimes you hit the snooze one or ten times. Sometimes you wake up to your youngest flicking your nose and asking in her oh-so-cute-and-innocent voice, “are you still tired?” On the weekends, you can prolong this stage by telling your kids to go ahead and grab a juice box, turn on whatever horror is going to plague the remainder of your day (Super Buddies…good Lord, what is this!?!) while you continue to prolong having to “get there.” On the weekdays, this stage is often times started on your own. You have the bliss of a quiet house, the first cup of coffee brewed the way you like it and perhaps fifteen minutes of a Modern Family rerun just to jump-start your brain. Slowly but surely, you’re getting there.
The “Three Cups In” Stage (Coffee…not alcohol…that comes later)
Three cups down and you’re starting to feel the caffeine burn. You’re more awake, more alert, somewhat ready to deal with whatever the day is prepared to throw at you. This is the safe time to approach most moms. Three cups in, she won’t contemplate homicide. She’s coherent. Her sentences make sense. Mom’s good, we’re good…it’s all good.
The “Make me a Caffeine IV” Stage
For those days when three cups don’t work and the day starts getting away from you, the kids are crazed, fighting over things like who gets the pink cup vs. who gets the blue cup, who cuddled mommy first, who’s taking who’s spot…that’s when you want someone to make a steady IV drip of coffee. Or maybe bottle the energy spilling from the boundless balls of energy ricocheting off of every wall in the house so that you can sip at steady intervals throughout the day. Sleep eluded you. Maybe your kids flip-flopped throughout the night battling growing pains, flu bugs, double ear infections and you’re just not ready for anything. You want to give zero but you know you have to make it through the day standing. Get me an Folgers drip, STAT!
The “I’m Super Mom, I got this!” Stage
So, you’re awake. You’re properly caffeinated and you’re feeling pretty good about yourself. Five hours of sleep? Who cares! No shower? Don’t need one! I’m super mom! I’m all over this mess. Gonna own the day like a boss!
The “Disney Karaoke” Stage
I enter this stage generally around mid-week. Everyone’s settled into their schedules (which, coincidentally, will go straight to crap by Friday night and have to be rebuilt at the beginning of the following week), the work week is halfway over, I’ve made it out of the door on time with coffee and a packed lunch that I have managed to forget both Monday and Tuesday. Everyone’s in a good place. Let the karaoke battles begin! I usually keep Pandora going on The Lorax station (best one I’ve picked out so far) for the kids and I to jam to on the way into town for daycare in the morning. The music goes on, the volume goes up and suddenly there’s a fierce, three-way competition going between a three year old, a seven year old…and their 34 year old mom who just wants to “Let It Go!” Hell yeah, “Everything Is Awesome!” Maybe, if you’re lucky, even a little “How Bad Can I Be” to make you feel like the true badass mom that you are!
As a side note and warning to all avid karaoke singers – never battle a mom when it comes to Disney songs. We’ll own you. And we’ll show no shame or remorse in doing so.
The “Auto-Pilot” Stage
This is about midday. You’ve got the kiddos dropped off at school, dropped off at daycare. You’re well into your work day, or, if you’re a stay at home mom, you’ve got a load of laundry finishing up, a second waiting in the washer, lunch dishes are in the strainer and a plan for supper has been hashed out and ready to go. There’s a rush that’s not entirely uncomfortable breezing you through the second half of your day. You may kill off that pot of coffee you started earlier in the morning, but you don’t necessarily feel a need to. It’s there, why not drink it? Shame to waste that last cup.
The “Jittery, Power-Through-The-Caffeine-Nausea” Stage
Okay, maybe finishing off that pot of coffee wasn’t the best idea. Or maybe forcing yourself to remain awake by brewing it extra strong and adding half a second pot was the worst thing you’ve thought of to date. Time to head home for the day, pick up the kids from school, daycare or both. That second load of laundry ended up in a heap on your bed and that’s about as far as you made it after you took off that Super Woman cape to pre-soak it for the ambitious third load. The fact that you’re drawing closer and closer to that dreaded bedtime circus of a routine isn’t helping that nauseous feeling any.
The “Why am I Still Awake” Stage
Things are getting dangerous now. You’re frayed a little around the edges. If you hear one more “mommy” you might lose your mind completely. You’re pushing yourself through the home stretch, thinking that the “hot mom” you saw in the mirror this morning is now nothing more than a hot mess attempting to wrap one kid in a towel and send her off to her room for pj’s while keeping the other from splashing water all over the bathroom floor in her attempts to shower. You yawn through bedtime stories, and sometimes even accidentally fall asleep next to a kiddo.
The “Drinking Zombie” Phase
This is a hit or miss scenario. Tonight, it’s a hit for me. It’s Saturday and I’m writing for the first time in a long time so a celebratory cocktail is accompanying me in my blogging.
At this point, you know you should be sleeping. You want to be sleeping. But it’s also been a very, very long day and you feel like you deserve a little mommy time with your favorite beverage. Sure, you might stare at a wall and see absolutely nothing while sipping away, but damn it, you earned that drink! You might have even earned a little Magic Mike to go with it. Go ahead. No one’s going to judge you if you fall asleep during the show. Just be prepared to be cursing yourself in the morning for staying up too late with Channing Tatum when you’re gearing up for the “Getting There” stage.